Often times, kids struggle with someone being mean to them, whether it's a friend or sibling. I have many children come into my office with big emotions because something happened at recess- someone was whispering about them, someone passed a note, someone shoved them in the hall, their brother hit them, friends were ignoring them, etc. These are real problems for kids, and I am always happy to help kids with these concerns, however, we can empower kids to learn how to handle these problems for themselves. We can teach children these tips, so they can handle these types of problems without an adult. This will help them feel more confident and empowered to handle hard things in the future.
Below are some fun and easy ways to respond when someone is mean, without also being mean or getting in trouble. You can role play with your child, or have them roll play with their friends, and practice which ones they like the best. I have seen these tips work many times. The key to success is not reacting. Calling names back, hitting back, acting sad, telling a parent or teacher, and acting mad are all forms of reacting. At first, the meanie might try even harder to do something mean, because they want that reaction, whether they realize it or not. However, the more you don't react by trying these tips over and over, the less the meanie will bother you. What to Do When Someone is Mean to You: Stay Calm Walk Away Question It "I Want Message" Agree Say, "So?" Say, "Thank you!" Ignore It Be Amazed Express Displeasure Put our your hand and say "Stop!" Examples: Stay Calm Don't react. Take a deep breath and do some breathing exercises or mindfulness Walk Away You don't even have to say anything. Just walk away. Question It Why would you say that about me? Why are you doing that? Why do you think that? "I Want Message" I want you to stop saying mean things to me. I want you to say nice things to me. I want you to stop hitting me. Agree "You're right! I am a weirdo!" "Yeah my hair is ugly today. Thanks for noticing!" Emphasize to your kids that even though you are agreeing, it is not true. This technique throws the meanie off their track. Say, "So?" "So? Who cares if my shirt is weird?" "So? Who cares if I am weird?" Say, "Thank you!" "Thank you! That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!," "Thank you! I am a _______" Ignore It Act like you didn't even see them or hear them and just keep doing what you were doing. Be Amazed "Wow! Really? You think I'm _____? That's awesome!" "Wow! I didn't know that about myself!" Express Displeasure "I don't like it when you say that about me" "It makes me feel _____ when you do that." Put our your hand and say "Stop!" Put your hand out and look the meanie right in the eyes. In your most serious voice, say, "Stop!" This trick is especially good for physical kinds of mean (hitting, kicking, shoving, punching, etc.) A great book to emphasize these tips is called Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell. Molly Lou Melon is a pro at handling the meanies. Here is the youtube version of it. Together, we can defeat the meanies!
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